The Day I Die
by Leasbian
Summary: Jane has two gunshot wounds that are bleeding out.


**Author's Nose: Don't own a thing. Not makin' a thing. Just a small town girl livin' in a lonely world. Took a midnight train to Rizzlesville. And got stuck there working as a writer and a stripper. **

* * *

I should have asked her when I had the chance. When we were at dinner and she looked at me like she knew I was going to do it. I should have just said those fucking words. "Marry me." It wasn't difficult. I'd practiced it fifteen times in the car. I'd even made Frost play her role in the bullpen at work. I should have asked her. She would have said yes. She would have fucking cried and said yes. She wanted this. Marriage. Family. Happiness. But, I've been let down too many times in my life to know that it wouldn't have worked out. At least, that was what I'd thought. But, I've never been let down by Maura. I should have known she was solid. Everything else was liquid and I was floating through a sea of it. I couldn't walk on it. I couldn't trust it. I could see through it. But, Maura was my solid. She was my rock. I should have fucking asked her when I had the chance.

Korsak is downstairs with Frankie. Frankie got hit in the shoulder and Korsak is working on a way of transporting him out. Frost is behind me. He has my six and I have his. He's my family. My gun is pointed in front of me and I'm careful. One foot in front of the other. I'm careful because I want to go home to Maura. I want to make it to her alive.

There are clothes all over the room. It looks like a teenager has been living here for quite some time. But, there's no one in it. No one other than us. And we're gladly going to take refuge in here.

"Clear." I whisper to Frost. He nods and closes the door behind us. I hear it lock. Out the window, I can see the police cruisers we left. Behind them is a wave of fresh cruisers. The officers walking into a suicide mission. There were fifteen of us who walked into here. Four of us are still alive. Two of us aren't injured. I was shot. Twice. I'd taken a bullet for Frankie. One in the leg and the most important one was somewhere in my torso. I can live without a kidney. Right?

"Does it hurt?" Frost asks as he kneels beside me. He's checking up on me.

I laugh and it hurts. "You mean the bullet penetrating my leg or the bullet clanking around my intestines?"

"Sorry." He frowns. This isn't funny to him but it's fucking hilarious to me. I'm going to Hell.

"Cheer up." I smile. "We'll get through this." He looks at me as if I'm crazy but he's giving me the benefit of the doubt. He doesn't believe me. Frost always believes me. Even when I'm lying to him. Even when I'm not sure we'll make it out alive. He always believes me. But, now he doesn't. I'm really dying. I'm not going to make it out of this and I can see it in his eyes.

"Did you ask her?" He sits down next to me. I look down at his shoes. He looks like he's already dressed for a funeral.

"No." I sigh. "I wanted to. But, then I thought about it. What if I can't make her happy?"

"I don't think dying is a better alternative, Jane."

I laugh. And I don't know why because it makes me sad. The truth. I'm dying. "She'll find love again."

"She won't." It's obvious he doesn't like to disagree with me. But I need to hear this. Even I know that. "No one will ever understand her like you do."

"Wanna know a secret?" I whisper. He nods. "I don't understand half the shit she says. I just nod and pretend I know what's going on."

He laughs and nudges me. "You understand her." There's a noise outside the door and we both point our guns. But, it must have just been one of the dogs that belonged to a resident. "You understand when she's pissed at you. And when she's so determined on helping us with a case she forgets to eat. You understand her, Jane. She's not going to fall in love again. She might settle. But, she won't love them."

I want to punch him. For making this so difficult. Dying should be easy. It means the hard part is over. But, my only regret in dying...is actually dying. I'm not dying because I want to live for myself. Do things I haven't done before. I want to live so I can marry Maura. Give her a family. Give her a life she never thought she wanted until she met me. I want to live for Maura.

The gunshots are like birds chirping to us. Something we just got used to. Something that we try to ignore and talk over. Frost peeks out the window.

"Frankie just got out." He says. "Korsak is coming back in."

We're in a project building. Where the apartments are basically studios. So small.

"Strike two, little brother." I laugh again then sigh sadly. Frost looks at me like I just did a touchdown dance. It's the second time Frankie has gotten away and I'm stuck. With the possibility of dying. A very big possibility. "Strike two." I should have worn my vest. I don't know why I didn't. It was protocol. They shouldn't have let me go in without it. But, they did. Probably because they were more afraid of needing me than me getting shot. And I'm glad that I was there. The bullet I took for Frankie was aimed right at his head. If saving Frankie means I die, then I'd gladly choose that every time. Even if it meant I was leaving Maura behind. I know she'll understand. Because she knows just how much I love my brother.

I guess I didn't realize it when I'd drifted into unconsciousness. But, here I am. Walking down the beach like everything is fine. I know it's a dream. But, it feels so real. I'm barefoot and I can feel the sand between my toes. In my right hand is a pair of heels and I'm certain they don't belong to me. I turn around and there's Maura. Running to catch up with me. She scoops her hand down and links our fingers together.

"I love you." I say to her.

She smiles. "I know." Her hair is curled. Far more curled than I have ever seen it before. There's a glow to her. Her lips are swollen, and I can guess that we probably just kissed like teenagers not too long ago. She's wearing a white sun dress. I look down at my own attire. White pants and a white shirt. We've never planned to match like this before. I must be in Heaven. But, maybe you're not allowed to make out in Heaven. Well...then Hell isn't all that bad I guess.

She would never be in Hell. No matter how evil she believes she is. She's too perfect.

I smile. "Marry me."

"Yes."

I open my mouth to say something. Something stupid. But, she's pulled away. First it's a fifteen feet and I reach for her. She looks at me like she's scared. I look around her to see something. Anything. Large enough to pull her away from that quickly. I run to her and then she's slung away from into the air. Then there's something that sounds like birds. Chirping.

I open my eyes. Frost's eyes are wide. He looks to me then back at the door and there's someone there. Both of his guns are pointed at us.

"Don't move." He says. He uses his foot to close the door. Frost doesn't move. But that's because he wants to live. He has something to live for. He isn't harmed yet. And I want to keep it that way. My gun is next to me. "Don't." Frost whispers as I reach for it.

"You should listen to him." The man smiles.

I'm going to die anyway. I reach for it anyway.

There's a gunshot and I just know I'm dead. I want to be with Maura again. But, somehow I'm still staring at the gun on the floor. The man falls. There's no one behind him. I look at Frost. He looks at me. Then we both turn to the window. It's shattered. Across from the project building is a large tree. And there's one of our guys in it. Smiling at us. He gives us a thumbs up.

There are footsteps from the door and I turn around. Paramedics. More good guys.

"Didn't know if you would make her happy?" Frost takes my hand. "Looks like you get to find out."


End file.
